An Inside Look at What Really Happens
in Therapy Sessions

Terry Real’s LIVE Monthly Online Case Study Community for
Practitioners & Therapists Using the Relational Life Model



An Personal Invitation from Terry Real

The lack of connection sickens us and reconnection restores us. A healthy relationship to oneself, others, one’s community, planet, and spirit is the pearl of great price. It is the seat of our happiness; it is the only thing that gives and sustains our fulfillment. 

—From Terry Real’s forthcoming book, US: The Power of Moving Beyond Me and You


Before the pandemic, our monthly practitioner community, Real Life was a place to stay connected with other professionals learning and using the Relational Life Therapy model. Nowadays these gatherings unite us, refresh us, relax us, inspire us, connect us like-minded therapists to one another.

Real Life is for those of you interested in or already using the Relational Life Model in your therapy practice and who want to join a global community. Our discussions focus on RLT theory and applications and provide real case demonstrations from my own personal video-taped sessions of actual clinical work and also live work as participants volunteer to reveal themselves in the context of our community. 

The truth is that even the most talented therapists can get stuck and plateau, either because they need to upgrade their approach, or more commonly, they are working in a vacuum and alone. Working through and sharing cases is one of the most effective ways that I know to become a better therapist.

Real Life provides an ideal ongoing learning environment. I host two live interactive calls each month. Now, I know that jumping on another Zoom meeting could sound a bit tiresome, especially for those of use who are seeing clients all day on video calls. But even though we are meeting on Zoom, our discussions are fresh and lively. 

We have created a powerful lineup of topics for you including Under-functioning Men, The Boundary of Privacy Around the Couple, Us Consciousness, and many more. Plus, we are constantly adding to the Real Life library of over 40 hours of archived trainings.

If you’re looking to gain confidence, accelerate the effectiveness of your sessions, and reach a new level of clinical mastery, I invite you to join this active and supportive community now!

Don’t try this hard work on your own. Open up to the stimulation and support of our community. 

Warm regards,

Terry Real

P.S. In addition to the two live call meetings with me each month, the entire group meets with a TA that I select each quarter to study together. We only open Real Life at select times each year so I encourage you to join us for the exciting topics we have planned over the coming months.

“After 25 years of working as a Psychotherapist and Marriage Counselor I was ready to ‘hang it all up.’ I was more than burnt out. Now, 6 months later, I am reinvested in my work and enjoying it in a brand new way. Renewed energy and enthusiasm for my work has replaced the negativity I was experiencing. Thanks so much RLT!”

– Roseanna Zoubek, LCSW

Mastering the Relational Life Therapy Model

Real Life: What Really Happens in Therapy Sessions is a monthly training where we will come together as a community to learn Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and the Relational Life Model.

RLT brings people together to increase levels of sustained intimacy and passion with one another. It does this by leading men and women out of traditional patriarchy, and its constrictions, and into a way of living a relational life.

Teaching men and women to live in a relational manner is the solution and resolution for psychological distress and addiction.

Members of this new community have the opportunity to learn different aspects of the model including data gathering, leverage, reconnection, skills, and family of origin trauma work.

As a member you’ll learn through training, real life examples, and working specific edges each month – diving deep into a topic of relevance.



We will offer two interactive one-hour calls for teachings on theory, present demos, and case studies. You’ll be able to ask questions.


All of the calls will be transcribed and downloadable for further study and review. All calls are recorded to listen later.


Each quarter we will invite experts to join us for live training calls to further explore new perspectives. 


This will be the primary place where all those practicing can meet monthly.


You’ll receive access to a forum where you can interact with the RLT community, share your wins, support one another, and offer on-going discussions of your practice.


We’ll include specific handouts to help you with your clients, including RLT Boundary Violations, 6 Ways We Disrupt Healthy Relating, 5 Paths out of Conflict, and the Art of Time Outs.


In addtion to meeting with Terry twice each month, the entire Real Life membership group is invited to study together in a group facilitated by a hand-picked TA.

“As a relative newcomer to RLT, the group has accelerated my understanding, practice and confidence as a therapist. I have gained a huge amount particularly from working with Terry on cases I have presented and from listening to fellow RLT therapists work. I very much enjoy the sense of belonging to a larger community, especially given that I’m in the UK.”
Victoria Shalet

United Kingdom

“I liked being part of the consultation group as I appreciate growing as a RLT couple’s therapist. It is helpful to hear Terry’s and other therapists share their experiences working with couples and to not feel alone. At my office I am the only couple’s therapist so having this group helped to process my own cases and learn by listening to their cases as well. I have felt my confidence increase in using the model by staying connected through the consult calls.”
Elizabeth Golden

United States

Here’s What We’ll Be Covering in the Upcoming Months:

Working With Self-Esteem

We have all heard the adage that you cannot love others until you learn to love yourself. From an RLT perspective this is accurate, you cannot love from either a one-up or one-down position, from either shame or grandiosity, you must meet from “same as”. Love demands democracy.

  • How to lean into negative self-talk and learn to quiet it
  • Teaching our clients to actively show them the warmth of tenderness, kindness and intentionally bestow that upon themselves
  • Understanding and living the wisdom of accepting our perfect imperfections
  • Working with grandiosity and shame: practical techniques

“US Consciousness” The Power of Moving Beyond Me & You: My New Book and Current Thinking

I am delighted that, about two months ago, GOOP/Penguin/Random House emailed me from the sky and said, “Would you like to write a book for us?” This was an extraordinary experience for me as an author. What came out of it is a refutation and deconstruction of the myth of the individual and individualism. What happens to us, to our relationships, when we shift from a lineral, individualistic, patriarchal perspective to an ecological, relational perspective? We will look at examples of the therapeutic use of such a shift and how to do it.

  • How individualism affects your relationships
  • What is needed to shift out of this mindset
  • Coming together as “us” instead of “me and you”

Under-functioning Men and How to Empower Them

Generally speaking, an under-functioning man is a man who doesn’t take care of himself and who wants someone to take care of him. Most often I see a direct link between under-functioning and dependency issues, usually covert. We will talk about how to move the man back into Family of Origin childhood experiences in the hopes that we can help him grieve the care taking he did not get as a child and deserved. Inner child work may be helpful in empowering the man to begin to take care of himself. Other issues to be explored are survivor guilt (what it means to surpass your family), male depression, and covert male entitlement.


  • Characteristics of under-functioning men
  • How to use Family of Origin to heal
  • Attachment patterns that often accompany it

The Boundary of Privacy Around the Couple: Dealing with In-Laws, Ex’s, and Intrusive Children

In RLT we have a saying, “Blood deals with blood.” If your wife is being disrespected by your mother, the person we hold responsible for that is you. You are the gatekeeper. The couple is the core unit and the partners privilege one another over all others. This is about empowering both men and women, but particularly men, to stand up and protect their partners from their mother’s aggression. We will talk about how to teach boundary privacy around the couple.

  • Protecting your spouse from your blood relatives
  • Creating a boundary of privacy to encourage intimacy
  • Tools you need to build that boundary of privacy


The Love/Lust Split: Coming Back to Wholeness

In the film “Analyze This,” Robert DeNiro says to his naive psychologist, Billy Crystal, “You want the mother of my child, you want the lips that kiss my baby’s forehead to do what?” There’s a long history for men of a Madonna Whore split. Wives and particularly mothers are off limits sexually. The personalized version of this is love avoidance as a result of enmeshment with mother such that the man comes to love out of obligation not spontaneity. The bifurcation is set up this way: On the one side is family, comfort, stability, goodness, intimacy, and deadness, and on the other side is selfishness, pleasure, eroticism, aliveness, and badness. Through a combination of coaching and trauma work, the man begins to heal the split and unearth his capacities to be sexual and intimate with the same person.

  • The idea that he is a good boy at home and a bad boy in the streets
  • Attachment issues behind the split
  • Changing the way your client sees their partner


LGBTQ Populations: A Discussion on the Rapid Changes

To say that the LBGTQ population and mainstream culture’s attitude toward them are changing is an extraordinary understatement. Circumstances are moving so quickly you can hardly keep up with them. In these changing times, it is imperative for us therapists to keep abreast of current thinking on these issues and to do our best to reflect on our own limiting biases and assumptions. In this module, I will be less an authority and more of a facilitator as we explore together topics that show up in our offices and what to do about them. We will discuss and potentially watch a tape of a family session with a transgender woman in transition and her evangelical, fundamentalist parents.


  • Examine the blocks that we as therapists hold
  • Identifying current issues and how we can help
  • How do friends, family, and peers view these populations? 

Racism: Talk About a Multigenerational Legacy!

As one of my clients put it, from one perspective you can say this country started by throwing people off their land and flourished by importing another set of people to work for them. Not a glorious history. Racism is traumatic. It is injurious to the person receiving the racism. It is injurious to the racist. What is our role as therapists? How do we handle incidents or language of racism in our sessions? How do we confront the racist parts of ourselves? What are the implications when a client is one race and the therapist is another? What messages about race did you receive as a child? Let’s talk openly and vulnerably about our own feelings and conundrums.

  • The effects of racism on all races
  • Dealing with racism that shows up in our offices
  • Examining our own opinions of racism 

The Current Pandemic: Where Do We Stand?

We chose this topic back in July as a time capsule. Back in July we had no idea what the pandemic would look like now. Is it even still relevant? Let’s take stock of where we all stand and how it’s affecting our clinical practice. (If somehow the pandemic is over or irrelevant, we will pull this topic and replace it with another.)

  • What has happened with COVID-19?
  • What issues are we seeing in our offices?
  • What will be the lasting effects of this extended time of fear?

Polyamory and Other Experiments: Do They Work?

The chains of matrimony are so heavy it takes two to carry them…sometimes three. —Alexander Dumas
This month we’ll look at experiments beyond monogamy: open marriage, polyamory, swinging. I would like to speak frankly about how we feel and what our values are concerning these issues. For years I would joke, “Monogamy is unnatural and open marriage doesn’t work, so pick your poison.” But now I’m not so sure. Younger couples, gay couples, are experimenting with new forms of commitment. I no longer think it’s a forgone conclusion that they are all doomed, but they are fraught. Let’s take a look at some of the particular challenges and opportunities of non-conventional arrangements.

  • Characteristics that can help experimental forms of commitment succeed
  • Who is truly happy in their relationship?
  • Will Monogamy become obsolete?

Already in the Learning Archive for Instant Access:

40+ Hours of Searchable Video Content Including:

  • Using the Relationship Grid in Real Time

  • Teaching Relationality to Our Clients

  • The First Session: Gathering Data & Diagnosis

  • Seven Lens for Diagnosis

  • The Reluctant Partner

  • Avoidant Men

  • Men and Emotions

  • Inner Child Work

  • Core Negative Image

  • Addiction

  • RLT with Individuals

  • Ambivalent Couples

  • Infidelity

  • The Spirituality of RLT

  • Emotional Violence

  • Passive or Distant Partners

  • Explosive Couples

  • Sex-starved Couples

  • Keeping Control of the Session

  • Family of Origin Work

  • Boundaries

PLUS Get These Bonuses:

Special Expert Interviews:

Ed Tronick, PhD, Infant Observational Researcher

  •  Mother / Infant Relationships Are Messy – And So Are Yours: What Infant Observational Research Can Teach Couples Therapists

Carol Gilligan, American feminist, ethicist, psychologist and author

  • From Boys to Men – Trauma and the Culture of Masculinity
  • Re-Imagining Adam & Eve: New Directions for Intimacy

Dick Schwartz, PhD, Founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS)

  • Working the Many Parts of Men: From Anger to Self Compassion

Esther Perel, Relationship, Sex, Intimacy Therapist

  • Modern Infidelity


Making Love Work Digital CD set

In this 2-part set, Terry Real addresses in a very practical way, what you can do RIGHT NOW to make relationships work in your own life.

“The case consult group was one of the most useful and effective tools to sharpen my RLT skills due to the direct feedback given by Terry and the group on my own case presentation. Having the opportunity to ask direct questions of Terry and the group for others presentations was also very helpful.”

– Robin Mckenna

Here’s an Overview of What You’ll Receive:

 1. A Monthly LIVE online video call with teachings on an aspect of the RLT model plus short 10-15 min case consultations presented by participants

2. A Second Monthly LIVE video call with a focus on Demos, case consultations, Q&A, or live work

3. A THIRD Monthly LIVE study call with a handpicked, RLT-certified TA

4. Transcripts of all the calls and a private membership site to download all the calls and recordings

5. Private Facebook Group Community

6. FIVE Bonus Expert Interviews Available Immediately with Carol Gilligan, Dick Schwartz, Ed Tronick, and Esther Perel

7. 12 CEs (Optional) for September 2020-February 2021

Join the RLT Community Today

Money-Back Guarantee

I’m confident you’ll be happy with Real Life: What Happens in Therapy Sessions. However, if you are not 100% satisfied with your purchase, simply contact us at within 21 days and we’ll give you a full refund, no questions asked.  You may cancel your subscription at any time.

“This was an amazing experience because Terry walks you through his thought process behind his interventions. Hearing him actually work on specific cases where therapists get stuck was very illuminating and validating. I always got off the calls feeling more confident and inspired to get back to work.”
Alexandra Saperstein

About Terry Real

Terry Real is the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women, and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work. Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy—and greater personal fulfillment. He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents as well as a professional training program for clinicians. Terry’s work, with its rigorous commonsense approach, speaks to both men and women. A proponent of “full-throttle marriage,” Terry has been called “the most innovative voice in thinking about and treating men and their relationships in the world today.”

Will I be able to ask questions during the program and is it interactive?

YES! You are encouraged to participate in the calls. My aim is to make this as interactive and personal as possible….to be in relationship with you and the entire group.

All calls will be live and you’ll have opportunities to ask questions (time permitting). You can also post questions in our private Facebook Community in advance and I will pick the cases and topics that seem the most relevant to help the entire group.

What time are the live calls?

The call schedule for the next few months of the program is (all times listed in ET)

Tu 8/4 at 5pm
Thur 8/13 at 11am

Tu 9/8 at 5pm
Thur 9/17 at 11am

Tu 10/6 at 5pm
Thur 10/20 at 5pm

Tu 11/10 at 5pm
Thur 11/19 at 11am

Tu 12/1 at 5pm
Thur 12/17 at 11am

What if I miss a session or I can’t make the time?

I know that there will be times that you can’t make it, so all of the calls will be recorded and you’ll be able to download them forever on a private membership site. This will also be useful for some sessions that you will want to listen to more than once.

I value your time, so each call will be an hour long.

Is Real Life approved for Continuing Education Credits?

The September-February modules are approved for 12 CEs for a nominal fee. To collect 12 CEU credits you must be enrolled and participate in all 12 hours of Real Life programming from September 2020 through February 2021 (either by joining the LIVE webinars or watching recorded WEBINARS when you are able). See full CE details here.

Is the Real Life Membership open to folks who are new to Relational Life Therapy (RLT)?

I’d naturally like to go as deep as possible in our bimonthly calls. I also understand that some folks might be new to the RLT model and terminology. I have asked one of my Certified Trainers to host a live monthly interactive call to clarify any questions regarding the model or teachings of RLT. It’s kind of like having a really knowledgeable TA in a big lecture course. Everyone is invited to these calls. Of course, I hope everyone gets inspired to take the RLT 1 training if you haven’t already, but that is optional.

What Others are Saying

“Case consultation with Terry Real has been a beautiful way to access years of clinical wisdom without needing to leave my office.”
Kate Harris

“The gift of RLT work for the Therapist is that you cannot provide this work for your clients without diving into yourself and one’s own personal growth. Which then trickles (or is a waterfall) into our own personal life and relationships that gives me permission to grow, hold myself accountable, see my children’s actions and perspectives change while we all challenge to love ourselves at the same time. On a professional level, I have seen clients that have been stuck for years/decades begin to show growth and move towards their authentic self with pride, dignity and confidence that they’ve never experienced before. Life Changing….”
Stephanie Lott

“Being from a state/city that has very limited RLT therapists the consult group has given me the opportunity to talk with others of like experience and views of couples work. For many years being part of a group that speaks the same language has been very, very professionally enriching.”
Dennis Mercy

“Listening to Terry teach is enlightening and I always gain clarity about concerns that I have about a case that I am working with. I also really like Terry’s uncanny ability to get to the deeper layers of the ‘person of the therapist’ to crystallize my therapeutic approach with clients.”
Clare Mezes, MSC, RP, RMFT

“The truth of the matter is, the words don’t exist that fully describe how it was working with Terry. He is one of the “Greats” who has revolutionized couples therapy. He speaks to and connects with the older, middle-aged therapist just as well as the younger generations of therapists. The experience I had working with Terry was one of the most educational, insightful, grounding and motivating experiences of my entire career.”
Karen Cunningham

“I found the group to be supportive, encouraging and SAFE to be myself.”
Tracey Navrides

“Over the course of 15 months I learned to think more flexibly using RLT concepts and to appreciate both the successes and failures which we all experience in session. The long list of treatment and educational resources which we created as a group continues to be helpful to both me and my clients.”
Victoria Easa

This Limited Time Introductory Package Includes:

 1. A Monthly LIVE online video call with teachings on an aspect of the RLT model plus short 10-15 min case consultations presented by participants

2. A Second Monthly LIVE video call with a focus on Demos, case consultations, Q&A, or live work

3. A THIRD Monthly LIVE study call with a handpicked, RLT-certified TA

4. Transcripts of all the calls and a private membership site to download all the calls and recordings

5. Private Facebook Group Community

6. FIVE Bonus Expert Interviews Available Immediately with Carol Gilligan, Dick Schwartz, Ed Tronick, and Esther Perel

Join the RLT Community Today

Money-Back Guarantee

I’m confident you’ll be happy with Real Life: What Happens in Therapy Sessions. However, if you are not 100% satisfied with your purchase, simply contact us at within 21 days and we’ll give you a full refund, no questions asked.