“Pay attention to your vulnerable feelings, and lead with those,” says therapist Terry Real, who comes back on The goop Podcast to help us navigate sheltering in place with significant others. Real guides us on how to step up for our partners (and ourselves) in crisis. He dissuades us from falling back on losing strategies that make us feel disconnected and instead outlines a path toward a healthier, more pleasurable dynamic (while reassuring us that a little “marital hatred” is still normal). Real believes in what he calls fierce intimacy. It’s not always pretty, but it allows us to repair our relationships and build trust—and it brings us closer together.
Listen to the podcast here.Does Couples Therapy Work?
WE’VE all had that horrible experience: you throw a party or invite a couple over for dinner, and they start fighting, right there in front of you — the character assassination, the barely controlled anger, the neurotic transference of their cooled sexual attraction onto, say, the hygiene of the family dog, all of which makes you want to fake choking and hide. Surely bearing witness to couples’ quarrels feels less bad to the pros, those credentialed and compensated marriage and family therapists whose job it is to help significant others work through issues and pain? [read more]
By ELIZABETH WEIL
Published: March 2, 2012
New York TimesAre You with the Right Mate?
At some point in every relationship it’s natural to ask whether your partner is the right one for you.Elliott Katz was stunned to find himself in the middle of a divorce after two kids and 10 years of marriage. The Torontonian, a policy analyst for the Ottawa government, blamed his wife. “She just didn’t appreciate all I was doing to make her happy.” He fed the babies, and he changed their diapers. He gave them their baths, he read them stories, and put them to bed. Before he left for work in the morning, he made them breakfast. He bought a bigger house and took on the financial burden, working evenings to bring in enough money so his wife could stay home full-time. [read more]
By Rebecca Webber, published on January 01, 2012 – last reviewed on April 02, 2012
Psychology TodayTerry Real Answers Your Sexless-Marriage Questions | ABC
It’s something most married couples would never confess to — they no longer have sex.
Dawn and Kevin Nordin discuss their marital problems with Terry Real.
After 15 years of marriage, this couple would describe themselves as an average Midwestern couple. They have two teen children, three mortgages and a dog. But their marriage is now in crisis because Kevin cheated.