Articles

What’s the “Love/Lust Split” We See So Often?

How can we therapists help heal what Esther Perel calls the “Love/Lust split” we see so often? As therapists, we’ve seen over and over that while couples, as I say, tend to do in the bedroom what they do in every other Read More…

Learning to Live a Non-Violent Life

Full Respect Living Part One: Healthy Self-Esteem   Let’s talk about the relationship between you and you. I have a saying. In adulthood, we tend to hold ourselves the way we were held. We internalize what came at us and Read More…

How to Work With ‘Carried Feelings’

In this blog, I share with you different ways to work with Carried Feelings. Sometimes as therapists, working with past trauma and shame can be a heavy, but lifting process. In working with carried feelings, you can have the person Read More…

Psychodrama: Doubling Technique

Psychodrama & Doubling – a technique which is particularly helpful in trauma work and one I use often with couples where I speak for the inner voice of what’s being said, and they get to correct it. When you double for somebody Read More…

Let’s Get Harshness Out of Our Lives

No Room for Harshness There’s nothing that harshness does that loving firmness doesn’t do better. I often say in a workshop or therapy session: “If you get nothing from today other than this one thing, your life might well be Read More…

When Men Lie

I’m sitting in a plane returning from Canada where I spent a day with a couple on the brink of divorce. The husband siphoned off hundreds of thousands of dollars from his wife’s successful business in a desperate attempt to Read More…

A Matter of Choice – Deciding: to be right or be married?

  There’s an ancient saying that’s profoundly applicable to couples therapy: the laws of nature are like a miller’s wheel—they’ll grind you to powder, unless you learn to be the miller. In our close relationships, the laws of nature that Read More…

The Awful Truth: Most Men Are Just Not Raised to be Intimate

“I can understand why Jenn is so frustrated,” Peter says, sighing, his voice soft and Southern. He runs his hand through thinning hair. Early forties, I figure: he’s handsome—even sexy—in a cerebral, Ivy League sort of way. With a mop Read More…

Terry Real in SELF: Relationship Boot Camp

          Attention! On a mission to protect their marriage, one woman and her spouse enlist in a stay-in-love seminar. Their story will help you fight less and kiss more. …  

Terry Real on OPRAH Radio: Talking Money With Jean Chatzky

Money Redefining Marriage I received yet another survey telling me what I (and likely you) had already heard: Money is causing big problems in marriages. This one, aptly entitled “Can’t Buy Me Love” came from PayPal and it revealed that Read More…